Poems for Bob

Today I have been busy doing some work on the Swindon Sands website. It is my local support group of the Stillbirth and Neonatal death charity. I am the secretary and a befriender for it. As I do it always makes me feel closer to my son Bob.

Today I was making a page called the Book of Remembrance, a place where we can put up a dedication in remembrance of our little one's. It got me thinking about the poems that are special to me and here are two of them:

Love in Every Tear

O precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me.
So perfect, pure, and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and of your life
And all that it would be.
We waited and longed for you to come.
And join our family.
We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.
I'll always be your mother,
He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.
But now you're gone...but yet you're here
We'll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy,
There's love in every tear.
Just know our love goes deep and strong
We'll forget you never--
The child we had, but never had
And yet will have forever!

By:Unknown

Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,   

Gone far away into the silent land;  

When you can no more hold me by the hand,  

Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.   

Remember me when no more day by day 

You tell me of our future that you plann'd:  

Only remember me; you understand 

It will be late to counsel then or pray. 

Yet if you should forget me for a while

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave  

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,  

Better by far you should forget and smile  

Than that you should remember and be sad. 

By: Christina Rossetti

My brother counts

Our little boy Bob was born sleeping on the 17th of December 2006. And this is the conversation I had with my eldest son last night...

We where sitting around the table having dinner when my five year old son was telling us how there are more boys than girls in the family.

Mummy, Hannah and Cricket the kitten, so that is three girls. Daddy, Corbu, Bob, Humphrey and Monty the cat (apparently Phil the hamster doesn't count)  so that makes five. The boys win.

Bob still counts. Yes he does. It is so sad that Bob died. Yes it is sweetie, we all love him and miss him very much. How old is Bob? He never ages sweetie, because he died before he was born. O' so he is zero years old. Humphrey is zero. I bet Bob would have made a good little brother. (Trying hard not cry.) Yes, I am sure he would have and you are a very good older brother to all your siblings. I love all my family, even when I get my own family. Thank you sweetie, we will all love you forever. I won't forget Bob because he still part of our family. Yes he is and always will be. Yes, I miss him......A (thoughtful pause) There are more boys, so we defiantly win.

The raw innocent honesty of a child.

It made me cry but it made me smile too. As time has passed friends and family don't speak of him and always refer to us as having 3 kids. There are so many times I want to shout to people that Bob was here, don't forget him, he does count. It makes my heart ache with sadness but Corbu said it all, Bob does count, he is still part of our family, if a five year old can see that...... there is still hope.